The cat food delivery man came

and handed Kerry the bill. $6,782.47 He began yelling at Kerry for not paying the bills. He said they had been patient letting it get this bad and that was it. Kabash. Cut off. No more. No deliveries until this was PAID IN FULL. 

She tried to make a trade. Free Range Organic eggs (if you can find some Jack hasn't scarfed up)? A couple loaves of day old bread? A three legged fat cat who eats too much and makes trouble all the time? She even offered to give him the secret patent for the Ultimate Universal Solvent. He said he could get his own cat pee at home. We'll give you bottling rights to our supply, the largest supply on planet earth! Jack suggested bottling rights to Pothole Brew, the delicious naturally occurring flavored water found only at Rikki's Refuge.

The delivery man just shook his head and went away. 

Nobody eats until the bill is paid?!

One by one the Vincent riled up the formidable force of furious felines as he shouted and campaigned. "I can save the day! Put me in charge and I'll save the day! Tuna on my plate every night! Fancy Feast in the morning!"

Nobody listened to Duke, "Hey guys, can't you hear him saying me, mine, me, me, me?"

At last, with every three and four legged feline behind him - Vincent became Super Cop! 

Vincent was up to no good. His plan was to haul Kerry off and turn her into Animal Control for not feeding HIM enough Fancy Feast and tuna. 

Jack tried to intervene. "Vincent, listen up, you need to think this thru. If Kerry isn't working to buy us food who's going to?You can't just haul her off. Maybe we should show our support and help her out. Maybe we should offer to diet a bit ..."

"SEND you dumb dog, get out of my way, I've got a job to do," was Vincent's retort, "You're woman's best friend, I'm NOT, now MOVE and let a man handle this!" 

Mutt Mutt tried to talk reason into Vincent, who just snapped, "Ya like having two eyes? Then get lost MUTT!" 

Vincent tugged and pulled as we all hollered and begged him not to take Kerry away. "Oh shut up you wimps. Hey somebody come help me! It's hot out here. I'm sweating in this get up!"

Mister Mister, another poor skinny starving (NOT) cat came to help Vincent. Just look, can't you see his ribs sticking out?

One day somebody asked Lena, "What are the black tumors sticking out on his side?" HUH, that isn't tumors, it's fat sticking out just where he happens to be black !!!!!

Mister Mister sympathizes with KiKi over bad hair cuts. He got shaved down after winter for having too many mats. If you think he looks like a gorgeous boy here - you should see him when all that fur grows back in. 

After the long haul to Animal Control,

  Vincent explains his case to stern Officer Lena. "It's not fair. It's cruel and inhumane. I don't get fed enough Fancy Feast. It's terrible terrible animal abuse. I don't get tuna every day. I'm wasting away to nothing. I need more treats. She ought to be locked up and taught a lesson. She needs to learn that cats are gods and should be treated with utmost respect. We should be served. Served food too, 6 times a day."

"Now let me get this straight", said Officer Lena, "You're claiming animal abuse because you don't get treated like royalty every day?"

"Right, right, how long can you lock her up for that?" said Vincent with glee and looking at Kerry, "see, I told you I better get tuna EVERY DAY ...."

"Well Mr. Vincent I don't see the requirement for tuna in the state code ....."

"Oh well all the other animals are starving, there's no food at all, you see. So lock her up till she promises to feed me tuna and then I'll make her feed them too." 

"So you claim no cats are being fed?"

"Yes, that's it. No cats get fed. Look at how skinny we are!"

"Officer", said Kerry, "just LOOK at how FAT Vincent is! How can you believe a word of this! Those cats are eating me out of house and home. Gee, I've already lost my home to this. And if it had been Gingerbread the goats would have eaten it before the cat food delivery man took it last month! I have no home, I have no life, I live to feed these cats! I feed them before I eat. Why, if Candy and Rene and Jan didn't feed me I'd probably starve to death." 

"Well, Vincent, come here, let me feel your ribs..."

"EEEEEEeeeee That tickles."

"If this is starving, then what is fat?" thought Officer Lena. "Ok, let's do a body fat check."

"Hmmm... suck in the tummy. Yes, Mutt Mutt, I agree with you..."

"I'm sorry Mr. Vincent, I'm just not so sure I can believe your claim about underfed animals. I'm going to need something else..."  

Vincent said "Ok, OK, well look at KiKi! Look at that hair cut. "

Kerry said, "Oh gee, sorry, it was my first attempt at dog grooming!"

" Well that's no excuse. Just look at poor KiKi. She's ashamed to show her face in public anymore."

Vincent whispered, "Come on KiKi, you better play this one up good. Get on a real pathetic face. Look miserable. Do it good or I'll have an accident in your food bowl EVERY day."

Kerry asked, "Vincent! Vincent! How can you do this to me? After all those cold nights I let you and your poopy butt under my quilt! "

Vincent, "Shut up woman! Which part of T U N A did you have trouble understanding?" 

"Come on, sweet girl," Officer Lena said, "it's not that bad, nothing to be ashamed of, come on out and show me what that bad lady did to you." 

"Well! This IS bad! Officer Lena said. "If any hairdresser did this to me I'd lynch them. Let's see, seven counts of uneven trimming, 4 counts for what a horrid cut ... All right Mr. Vincent I'll arrest Kerry and lock her up pending an investigation. And don't come sobbing to me if nobody's there to clean your litterbox."

"Poo like I give a ..... I leave my .... on the floor for an attendant to scrub up with paper towels. Just lock her up till she gives me tuna!" snarled Vincent. 

Part II